Wednesday, February 08, 2006

imagine bats and dating with sharon

it´s not the song of john lennon.
nor yoko ono.
indeed imagine a new franchise in the nba.
imagine the new ball club named LAS VEGAS BATS.
yeah, in las vegas, nevada.
the land of casinos, betting, clubs, bars, etc., simply the sin city.
imagine the start of this franchise in the 2007-2008 season.
so... the story begins... it´s year 2007 (after the 2006-2007
i´m the owner, ceo, general manager and head coach of the bats (don´t
forget, it´s 2007!).
as a new franchise, we have number one pick overall in the draft.
i choose greg ogden, center.
we have also an expansion draft and wonder, all the players involved
in the nba are unrestricted free agents for us (still we are from las
vegas, have got a lot of mooneeey and mr. stern is my buddy (imagine
thus i pick another eleven players.
chris paul, dwyane wade, lebron james, chris bosh, dwight howard, kirk
hinrich, andre iguodala, carmelo anthony, channing frye (isiah thomas
is totally mad from it! but powerless), emeka okafor and deron
the roster of the sweetest dreams!
we will play in new (the most expensive and made from white gold!)
arena called "the cave of diamond light" with 30 000 seats.
our team colors are silver, white and gold.
our mascot is "bloodthirsty vampire", nicknamed "blothiva".
imagine, it´s october, and we are in the training camp, getting ready
for the season and championship battle.
imagine, my first assistant coach is... sharon stone!
the 1st woman in the history of nba coaching!
and she does wear short skirt and does NEVER wear knickers!!
imagine it...
and our biggest fan is mr. jack nicholson.
his words: "from now, i´m not interested in the lakers and kobe, i´m
the fan of the bats."
back to the basketball.
but first, before the season, this is the description of the bats from
the newspaper "las vegas news":
bats are one of the most numerous and successful groups of mammals that
have ever lived on earth.
bats are spread to almost every part of the world, from the arctic to
the stormy southern tip of south america.
there are some wild creatures which are, in fact, big threat to humans
(and players) and consistently disturb people (and players) by their
presence and cause fear.
they are fast-moving, capable of sudden changes in direction and active
every night.
they have rapidly moving wings, an unpredictable way of flying.
human (and player) fears have been transformed into superstition and
so... and the season begins... (imagine it all, from the start to the
the 1st game, we play against the laker boys.
we win 120:80, kobe is 0-15 from the field (good job, ai jr!).
the midseason classic, all-star game: WE are the western conference.
every player on the west is from bats.
it´s clear that i coach them in this game.
we win against east, lbj is a-s-g mvp.
at the end of the season, our record is 82-0 (!).
we have the best D and even the best O.
the entire america and world watches us with dropped jaws.
we absolutely DOMINATE.
even gregg popovich call us "unbelievable army".
marc stein dubbed us "aliens better than mj, magic, bird and co.".
mvp is lbj (he has averages of 10.0 ppg, 10.1 rpg and
10.2 apg!).
rookie of year is greg ogden (15.0 rpg and 5.0 bpg!).
coach of year is me.
sixth man of year is kirk hinrich.
defensive player of year is andre iguodala.
most improved player is dwight howard.
executive of yr is me.
the postseason begins...
first round... we beat grizzlies 4-0 (sweep).
g-ogden has quadruple double in game 1 (15 pts, 14 rebs, 13 asts,
12 blks).
semifinals... we beat suns 4-0 (sweep).
d-wade is unstoppable, he has 50 pts in game 2.
conference finals... we beat spurs 4-0 (sweep).
course of game 1 (truly magical contest) is here:
30 000 fans.
bats starting 5 is paul, wade, james, howard and ogden.
1st quarter (the best moments (tbm): paul plays four consecutive
alleyoops with wade.
james dunks from free throw line.
crowded crowd is totally mad (as always).
ogden has three consecutive blocks.
howard shuts down duncan, td is 0-5 from field.
2nd q (tbm): kirk shoots three consecutive bull´s-eye treys.
iguodala stops ginobili, manu is 0-5 from field.
anthony does windmill jam over bowen.
bosh has seven offensive rebounds.
frye blocks horry´s shot and converts buzzerbeater from our free throw
3rd q (tbm): williams has five assists and five steals in this qtr.
okafor has ten rebounds and five blocks in this qtr.
howard does his thunderous dunk.
iguodala slams blindfold.
anthony has twenty points in this qtr.
4th q (tbm):
james behind the arc... for three... got it!
paul... coast to coast and dishes off the glass on ogden - duuunk!.
wade... 360 in the air - yes!
frye shoots the lights out, is 7-7 from field.
last ten seconds, it´s 128:90 for us, emeka makes a steal, outlet pass
on williams, fast break, four on one, williams does lob pass over
parker on bosh and he spikes it lefthanded as the time runs out.
we prevail!
d-howard has 40 pts and 20 rebs in game 2.
every newspaper has headline "BATS ATTACK!".
rasheed wallace guarantees at least one victory for detroit.
the finals... we beat pistons 4-0 (the fourth sweep!).
lebron has 101 (!!!) pts in game 1 (new playoff and league record).
mvp of the finals is lbj.
we have 100 times bigger aura than jordan-bulls.
after the season, we are going to hawaii for holidays.
since june of 2008, i date with sharon.
we have so romantic relationship!
imagine it all.
it´s not a dream.
this is the seventh heaven!!!
p.s.: i like the statement of mike kahn: *the pacers should ship artest
out to the mars basketball league.*
p.s.2: i think it´s time to leave.
for zeke.
he´s like a farmer in a programming office.
isiah, look at your buddy - joe dumars!
he´s the top executive.
and you´re the worst.
oh sorry, the second-worst (babcock is the worst, but he´s already

Written by Foreigner in CS - Feb 7 2006 6:45PM

1 comment:

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