White Elephant Party Kicks Off

Christmas is coming.

Sometimes we end up with gifts that dont really suit us. In America, people and friends often get together for a White Elephant Party. You can have one of your own with your buddies. What you need is that everybody brings one wrapped gift (it can be anything you dont want or need, or even a silly item that is somewhat useless). Place all the gifts together on a table. Then each person draws a number (you need as many numbers as there are people). The person who has number one goes first. He or she has to pick one gift from the pile and open it immediately. Once its open it cannot be returned to the table. Then, the person with number two can either pick a gift from the table and open it, or take the opened gift from the person number one. If he/she takes the first persons gift, the first person has to choose another one from the pile and open that one. Then the person with number three either picks a new gift from the table, or takes one of the open gifts from the previous people. This goes on until everybody has an open gift. The sillier the gifts, the funnier the game, because people dont want to end up with something more useless than what they brought to get rid of, so theyll try to steal other peoples gifts.

Easy, right?

Ladies and gentlemen, today we have a chance to witness a spectacular W.E.P., featuring a bunch of the best from the very best basketball league on the Earth. Let me introduce you in alphabetical order the teams which are here tonight and their own ambassadors with secret gifts.

Charlotte Bobcats. . . head coach Sam Vincent! (*We need some quality guys.*)
Chicago Bulls. . . head coach Scott Skiles! (*I cant believe Im here.*)
Miami Heat. . . starting center Shaquille ONeal!! (*Im sorry for coach Padre Riley, hes at home with flu.*)
Memphis Grizzlies. . . swingman Mike Miller! (*Hello to everyone, Im here for Grizz.*)
Minnesota Timberwolves. . . GM Kevin McHale! (*Any guys wanting a deal?*)
New York Knicks. . . head coach Isiah Thomas! (*Im fine, thanks.*)
and Seattle SuperSonics. . . owner Clay Bennet? (*Moving aint that bad.*)

Now, each person draws a number

Heat (1), Sonics (2), Bobcats (3), T-Wolves (4), Knicks (5), Grizzlies (6), Bulls (7).

-Shaq is picking one gift from the pile... Sebastian Telfair!
*Yeah, we have our starting point.*

-Mr. Bennet is picking one gift from the pile... Stromile Swift!
*Mmm... good decision!*

-Mr. Vincent is picking one gift from the pile... Tyrus Thomas!
*Jesus Christ, hes our missing piece!*

-Mr. McHale TAKES Ty Thomas!!
*Sure, thats a risk worth taking.*

Mr. Vincent has to pick again... Jason Williams!
*Can I trade him immediately?*

-Mr. Thomas is picking one gift from the pile... Robert Swift!
*BLEEP. Its a good big man. Im satisfied, were on the way up and now we can swap Eddy Curry elsewhere. Give us 10 games*

-Mikey Miller is picking one gift from the pile... Stephon Marbury!!
*Man, Im dumb for not taking Bassy Telfair...*

-Mr. Skiles TAKES Robert Swift!
*At least hes big and strong. Were hoping to plug him in the middle. Our potential post-up darling.*

Mr. Thomas has to pick again, the last gift... Adam Morrison!
*Damn, Scott you traitor! Give me Swift back! Fuck off, what are we gonna do with this white geek? What?*

Ladies and gentlemen, this is the end of W.E.P. 2007. Hopefully, you enjoyed it a lot. And now, here are the post-session summarizing lines for all seven teams. Have a good time and a lot of great gifts uder the tree. See you soon.

You know what? Screw it. Im going to ponder just about Isiah Thomas and NY Knicks state-of-emergency. For the record, Sam Vincents Bobcats are playing about as well (and as poorly) as expected, Bulls are slowly but surely righting the ship towards Playoff dock, Marc Iavaronis Memphis plays the toughest division and theyre still evolving, PJ Carlesimos Seattle is basically a rookie team, Randy Wittmans Timberwolves cant do much more, with that turned-upside-down roster, theyre going to be starving for some time and Miami Heat? Theyre old and have no juice, except for D-Wade. Miami fans need face the truth, their team is poised for break-up. However, for Knicks fans, their teams play and record is just another story. A very disgraceful story, indeed.

Not in the arranged fashion are the things that happened to Knicks since the summer of 2007(sorry, my memory is too short to remember all that disgust):

-Marbury's AWO; a 59-104 loss to Celtics, Knicks frontline was 6-of-33 from the field - starring Zach Randolph (1-of-10), Quentin Richardson (3-for-12) and Eddy Curry (2-for-11); the decision-makers at Madison Square Garden (Mills-Dolan combo) could not or would not relay a life-and-death message to an employee (Marbury) in the same building until he finished his job (Suns-Knicks game).

!Immediately upon learning Marburys dad. had suffered chest pains and left the game at halftime for the hospital, where he died soon after, those in authority should have apprised Stephon of his already ailing dad's condition! Imagine how you'd feel had someone denied you possibly a last chance to see and talk to your father while he was still alive.

-Tons of other embarrassments; a loss to a Wade-less (and previously winless) Miami at home; an 0-4 western road trip; getting waled at home by two dozen and two by Warriors; an embarrassing, 104-59 Massachusetts mail-it-in (that result deserves to be mentioned at least twice), where only Nate Robinson's buzzer-beating, half-court heave prevented an all-time low franchise point tota; a home-and-home horror against sad-sack Sixers, losing two by a combined 39 points; a 117-110 stinker against 5-17 Sonics, who, unlike Knicks, played the previous night; being overplayed by Kurt Thomas the same night; two blocks overall the same night; etc.

Heres the truth: Knicks have lost all the respect for Isiah Thomas, just watch their bad body language, hiding their heads under towels (Curry is an all-time master doing that). They even play harder before the real games, in 1-on-1 tourneys like their last game, where Nate, Randolph Morris, Wilson Chandler, Mardy Collins and a couple other guys competed. Knicks locker room has become more depressing than anything. Malik Rose wants out. Also Q-Rich, David Lee and Curry (his moaning *Get me out of here, please get me out of here.*).

Whos responsible? Dolan and Thomas. They act the way arrogant men have acted since the beginning of time: if we yell loud enough, you will believe us. The coach is only in it for the money. Knicks record is unbelievably dismal and what Dolan says? Thomas job is SAFE!!! Knicks fans, prepare your boos for the next four months.

Whats the truth: They dont care about winning or improving, because their mantra is this - whether we win, lose or are publicly embarrassed, MSG always generates a huge profit.

Did you hear I.T.s latest absurdity - that his (beloved) team misses layups because of the hometown fans!!! Btw, Zeke is on the record saying he'd trade his mother (?) to improve the team...

Thomas is one of a few persons in the NBA who I cant stand. But not for the sake of me, for the sake of Knicks franchise, its time for Knicks to fire him. Ooops, that wont happen until Dolan is there. Hell, what can be their long-term plans? Just to keep on losing, tanking or whatever, then to rely upon good luck and win the lottery, draft Beasley, Rose or Mayo. Thats the step no. 1. No. 2 would be no big contracts past the 2010 season (Then LeBron is available... is he such a fool to play for Zeke? I guess he aint.)

Isiah Thomas, you are a genius. A thought by James Dolan.

(I am looking forward to the Pacers-NYK game tonigh. Good luck with chants Fire Isiah, Mr. Innocent.)

p.s.: if somebody offers you $12 million and you think /like iguodala, deng, okafor/ youre worth more than that, somebody should punch you in your face if you turn down that money. (-gil arenas)
p.s.2: put a hidden camera in stephon marburys car and air the ensuing footage on the spice channel. (-jeff mcdonald)

Posted by Foreigner in CS - Dec 17 2007 2:35PM